Realisation
by Valerian Arvellan
Summary: AU ROTS in which Anakin comes to a realisation days before he would have fallen about the darkness growing within him and things change but not entirely for the better. -two shot-
1. Chapter 1

AU possible-two-shot. I have never written a star-wars fanfiction and I'm not a particular major fan of it. I've watched the movies once or twice but never more than that. I do however find the story of Anakin and Padmé a truly tragic romance, ill fated and consuming for them both. This seems to be a two-shot and is strictly AU, in which Anakin actually thinks everything through like the intelligent man he actually is.

Excuses, he was making excuses for his actions. The blinding realisation did not bring any peace to his troubled soul but it brought a certain measure of balance. He saw his actions clearly, his arrogance acknowledged and his deceit which was slowly bringing both Padmé and him to a ruin rankled against the honesty his mother had instilled in him. Where had Ani gone? Anakin glanced at his sleeping wife and was once again reminded of the visions plaguing him nightly. Padmé deserved far better than him, he should have left the order long ago to be a husband she truly deserved.

He resisted the urge to brush against the presence of his unborn child, Padmé was adamant that the gender remained unknown and Anakin was unsure if he could even find out, he had never tried it before. Her dark curls spread out over the pillow and once again he found himself wishing he could run his hand through them. She was so beautiful.

He knew of her constant fears for his safety; he knew of the many tears she had shed for him and yet he had continued to be so reckless. He could recount the times he had thrown himself into the mix without actually thinking ahead, he didn't fear for himself but he had been reckless. Obi-wan and his multiple admonishments of his recklessness now rang back in his mind, Anakin had truly deserved had been blind and full of arrogance, unbecoming of not only a jedi but a had he slipped so far?

His decision was obvious; he had to leave the order, the darkness was creeping up more and more. He loved being a jedi, he truly did but Padmé was who he loved more, wasn't she? No, he could not have any doubts about his love for Padmé. Her radiant smile; her eyes full of warmth and love; her soft curls trailing down past her shoulders; her laughter that lingered in his ears; her quick wit but lacking the sarcasm or dark humour of Obi-wan. He loved her more than anything.

The title of Master being denied to him was complicated, the denial to him was an insult to him but the title was truly just a way he was to prove himself. It was hardly an insult if at twenty two he was being denied mastery, he was at the age when most jedi were padawans. Why had he never thought about it that way before? He was as skilled as most masters but he was prone to his emotional outbursts. The council had a leg to stand on when they denied him his mastery. It grated the pride that as a jedi he was supposed not to possess but then again he thought wryly, he possessed a great many things denied to a jedi.

The council feared him however, he could sense the fear deep within them and it rankled him because they rebuked him and they were just as guilty of it as him. They feared his power, they held him back. He sighed and shook his head; they feared for him, how could they not when he was on the edge of an abyss. They had despite their reservations trained him, they had not held him back from knighthood despite his flaws and he had received recognition from them despite his past accusations of them never doing so.

Had his perceived slights been nothing more than a figment of his imagination? No, the Jedi didn't trust him, he was too passionate and impatient in their opinion and to those who denied their emotions, he was dangerous. If he truly admitted it truthfully to himself, he was dangerous. The Jedi and he had their disagreements, his unborn child and beloved wife were proof that he was not the ideal jedi. Count Dooku, what Anakin had done was not only not the way of the jedi but it was not the way of the compassionate person he was supposed to be.

Palpatine encouraging him to end the threat. He tensed, before he had never truly thought on the events, too busy in seeing his beloved Padmé again after many months of agonising separation. But now he recalled despite the haze his mind had over the memories. How could the wise and kindly mentor that had been his friend for many years encourage him to commit murder? It just was not right.

The realisation of the coldblooded act; not even an isolated incident because he still remembered the aftermath of the Sand People he had slaughtered. He thought then of a fellow jedi raised amongst the Sand People. Bile rose as he thought of what he had done. A'Sharad Hett had forgiven him and trusted him to overcome his anger and turmoil but..he had let the anger fester.

Anakin felt the entirety of his faults, his sins and his mistakes fall on him. His entire body shuddered as he fell to his knees and bit back sobs. What was he becoming? "Help me…" He said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Always," Qui Gon Jinn answered as he appeared before Anakin, his eyes full of the gentle compassion that Anakin remembered from his brief but never forgotten time with the Jedi Master." You have taken the first step to helping yourself, realising your faults."

The words he was about to voice were lost before he even opened his mouth as he almost stumbled forwards in an attempt to embrace the Jedi Master.

Qui-Gon chuckled. "I'd advice you not to do that, I'm not solid, young one." His eyes twinkled briefly with amusement.

Despite the situation Anakin almost flushed at how Qui-Gon could tease him at such a time and that he allowed himself to be affected.

"You have been walking a very fine line and have crossed it, each time with consequences," the deceased jedi master commentated. "It has been worrying but I am not here to admonish you or criticise you. I am here to help you."

"How?" Anakin asked bitterly, all he had done would have been enough to have expelled him from the Jedi Order thrice over, at the very least.

"By believing in you, you are the chosen one Anakin, one way or another you will bring balance to the force. Not even darkness could fully consume you and twist you beyond repair. I have faith, the upmost faith in you." Confidentally Qui Gon Jinn told the younger Jedi.

"You are the only one that does."

Qui Gon frowned. "Do you truly believe that?Think on it, I must go for now. Be strong and don't let your passions cloud your judgement. I believe in you and as do many others." He left then and as if he had never appeared, the room was silent apart from the soft sounds of breathing.

Now Anakin was left only to his thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N:/ This is the second installation of "Realisation" and the reason it took so long to come out was because I wanted to give it more length. I cried a lot writing this. Anakin is quite obviously my favourite character. I almost wrote an opposite ending but that would defeat the original idea that I had for this. anyone wanted to write a follow on of this with Luke and Leia, go ahead. There is a possibility that I will write a collection of one-shots based on this universe about Luke and Leia-to be honest however I'm not as big of a fan of the Original trilogy. Partly because ROTS Anakin is a very attractive man and I the shirtless scenes, very much so.

* * *

His unborn children, he had felt their presence strong and vibrant within Padmé. Despite his earlier decision not to peek, he had because he himself did not know if he would survive the upcoming days. The idea of two children was exhilirating. If not for how beautiful his wife looked, sleeping peacefully he would have gone to the Temple and flung his lightsaber at Master Windu with a copy of his wedding, courtesy of Artoo. He could not bring himself to leave her presence.

The sudden changes within him were nothing short of amazing, he felt the force clearly around him—like never before. Many times he had been told he was to be the one to restore the balance, he had never truly believed in the prophecy. He knew he was powerful, moreso than any other Jedi before him but the idea of his destiny being preordained had not sat well with him. His future was to be his own, now he accepted it even if it were reluctantly that the Jedi had been correct.

Anakin moved silently from the bed. He moved to the floor and assumed a meditative position, he loathed meditation. He found it hard to allow himself to join the current of the force, to let it carry him. He had always commanded the force, never let it work through him, willingly at least. Now he had to try and do what he had never done before.

The other Jedi spoke of their diminished ability to wield the force, Anakin had never had that trouble. To wield the force was like breathing for him, simple. Now he let himself go, immersing himself. He almost cried out, the force was tainted by a blanket of darkness. How had he never realised this before? Small streaks of light broke through the first layers of darkness but not even his own light could pierce it. It was a challenge burning deep within him as he slammed himself through. He felt himself flung back, not physically but even the immense burst of power from was not enough to make a breach.

Again, he slammed his way through and was met with a force that he had never felt before. This time he summoned more of the force than he ever had in his memory and began to play a game. Two immense powers were struggling for dominance, Anakin intended to come out top. If he had been aware of his physical body than he would have felt how his body trembling violently.

He felt a pressure at his throat, it was tightening and he couldn't breath. His fight against the darkness was ending with him as the loser. He hated losing, despite him slowly losing consciousness he poured everything he had in one final attack of the force. The pressure around his throat increasing in a frantic attempt to stop him—in that moment the force could be felt with a clarity not felt for many years. The struggle of the light against the darkness had been fought, the light had burst its way through the dark blanket for a brief few minutes. A feeling of being betrayed rose in Anakin, he realised with horrifiying proof that he had been betrayed, deeply.

Anakin collapsed, like a puppet who had just had its strings cut.

Padmé even not being force sensitive had felt it, perhaps from her close proximity to one of those involved and she was on her knees, with great difficultly due to her swollen abdomen. One hand was on her abdomen and the other reaching out to her husband. "Anakin, wake up," she whispered, fear creeping into her heart. His chest was rising but his pulse felt weak. Indecision took control of her, rationality had left her. He stirred and she collapsed against his chest in relief, tears flowing down her cheeks, soaking the fabric of his shirt.

When he opened his eyes, his face was calm as he stood, taking her weight as he guided her to her feet. Anakin kissed her, not the passionate kisses they had shared during their brief encounters together since their marriage but a sweet kiss that held no promises of anything else but his love and devotion. The bitter taste of her tears was on her lips and his but he didn't care, she clutched his shirt and let her husband hold her. "I love you." Anakin said simply but his words conveyed the depths of love he held for her.

"I know, I love you more than anything." Padmé whispered.

"Padmé please leave Coruscant, go to Naboo," Anakin said urgently. "There is nothing the Senate can do at this moment, things beyond politics are in motion. It is up to Jedi to restore democracy."

"What are you talking about, Anakin? Don't leave me in the dark, please."

"The Chancellor is immersed in the dark side, I don't know why or how but he's dangerous," Anakin answered reluctantly, he himself could not quite bring himself to believe it without doubt. "In my meditation I managed to find clarity in the force for a few moments and all of this darkness and war leads right back to him."

"The Chancellor is your friend. You have been one of his most stalwart supporters. Anakin, are you sure?" Padmé asked, unsure how to take this revelation. Her mind flashing back over ten years before, the time when she had made what would now seem the biggest mistake of her life. "Oh, what have I done?"

Anakin encased her slender wrists within his hands, gently. "You did what was seen as the best plan of action. You always do what is best, don't take any of this blame onto yourself. I should have sensed something long before, if I had meditated like that before…" He trailed off desperately.

"It is then okay for you to take the blame onto yourself?"

Anakin chuckled weakly in response. "I can never win, can I?" He asked, his face relaxing.

"Not with me." Padmé answered promptly as she pulled his mouth down to hers.

Reluctantly he pulled away. "We can't, not right now," he said regretfully. "Padmé pack and get away to Naboo, you'll be safe there. I need you to be safe." He slipped his hand over her cheek and cupped it tenderly. The simple and tender gesture came from a hand that wielded a weapon on a nearly daily basis and could wield enough power to destroy an entire species.

"I can't leave you," Padmé whispered as she looked into the eyes of her husband. "I need you to be sa-" she cut herself off. "No, we need you to be safe." A slender hand slipped down to her abdomen.

He wanted at that moment to forget his duty, he wanted to hold his wife close and tell her what she wanted to hear. He wanted to be on Naboo, cradling his newborn children as Padmé watched. He trembled as he pulled his hand from her cheek. "Padmé, I need you to be safe. Do you understand? You are what has kept my heart beating; my own angel from Iego; you and our children are my life."

Her brown eyes were moist with tears as she nodded. "Ani, stop speaking like that. Stop speaking like I won't be seeing you again," her eyes widened as took in his expression. "You don't expect to…"

"No matter what happens Padmé my love for you will never change. No matter what happens, remember that. I'll always be with you, always," he murmured. "You must be strong, for us all. Go to Naboo."

"I will go home, but you must come home to me and our children," she replied and then looked up at him. "Wait, children?" She asked , realising that Anakin had been referring to their unborn child in plural. A spark of excitement appeared as she realised what the plural meant, she was having twins.

"We are having twins," he said smiling down at her. "I have to go to the Temple, some things must be said that I should have a long time ago." One last kiss and embrace and he left the apartment.

The journey to the Temple was a blur, he flew without thinking about where he was going but he had a clear purpose. The betrayal he felt when thinking of his supposed friend: Palpatine had befriended him, he had been a father to Anakin and someone to trust. He had been deluding himself, it was only now he could accept that it all made sense. Palpatine was not a pawn but he was the one controlling everything. Palpatine had to die.

The weight of his lightsaber at his side was a heavy reminder of what he would have to do. Anakin had spent a lot of time around the Supreme Chancellor, he had been a loyal friend and Anakin knew he would have to kill him. The temptation to leave it to the other Jedi was overwhelming but the force told him otherwise.

He landed in the hangar and he let instinct guide him. He almost slammed into someone and he moved to the side, his attention forced back to the present. "Master Windu?" He asked, relief flooding him. "The Supreme Chancellor is Sidious, it is all that makes sense." He blurted out.

The Vaapad user stopped and looked at Anakin, disbelief on his face but realisation spreading. "All this time, by the force, we've been played." He looked at the young Jedi fiercely. "Prepare yourself for a fight Skywalker, we must go and apprehend him."

"Yes, Master." Anakin replied numbly, he had not been expecting the trust that had came from Master Windu. He followed the Jedi Master. He recognised the other Jedi Masters, all members of the Council. He simply followed, he didn't speak a word. His mind was on his beloved Padmé. The feeling that he would never see her again was growing stronger. A lesser man might have ran at that moment and returned to her.

Anakin Skywalker was many things but he was not a coward. His mortality however was becoming increasingly closer to home, he did not believe he would survive this encounter. All he could hope was that he succeeded. They moved together, ignoring those who tried to stop them.

The attempt at negotiations ended almost as soon as they had begun.

"Anakin, with me the knowledge to save Padmé dies." The Sith cried out amongst the bodies of the fallen Masters. Only two Jedi remained standing.

His nightmares, his visions. "Sometimes….sometimes…you have to let go," he whispered. _Forgive me, Padm_é. The images of his wife flashed by him: Padmé in his arms aboard the Malevolence; Geonosis where she told him of her love for him;the first time his eyes laid upon her;the day they married on Naboo; the day she shared the news of their child. "It would be selfish to sell my soul to someone else, my soul belongs to Padmé."

The expression of helplessness was transformed into one of rage. "If you will not join me, you die." Darth Sidious roared as he rose and sent both Anakin and Master Windu flying. Master Windu slammed through the window, falling to his death, despite the effort Anakin was putting into keeping the Master in the office.

Sidious took advantage of the distraction of the younger man and attacked in a furious jab with his red lightsaber. It was enough for Anakin to have lose his concentration in keeping Mace Windu from falling and have to return his full attention to Sidious. He successfully managed to block what would have been a fatal blow.

Anakin pushed Sidious onto the defensive, his youth and sheer talent nearly a match for experience. Just as he thought that he had the advantage, he was forced to defend. It was all he could do to hold his own ground, he couldn't go on the offensive. Some part of him could not reconcile the fatherly Chancellor with the Sith Lord and he could not truly give this battle his all.

Anger was bubbling within Anakin and the temptation to reach in and use it was growing stronger as he began to struggle to regain his offensive. His strength was not on the defensive but on the offensive. The thoughts of his unborn children and of Padmé kept him from giving in. Sparks appeared as the two weapons clashed in a show of strength. Anakin pushed Sidious back but he had forgotten one thing. The Sith had more than lightsaber abilities. A strangled cry escaped from Anakin as he was forced to the ground, the lightening enveloping his body. He couldn't fail, not like this.

_"Let your body absorb it, you are the Chosen one. Do it now Anakin." Qui-Gon shouted._

How? He didn't know how to absorb it. Trusting in the force he let it flow through him and to his amazement the attack was nullified. However new knowledge came with that. Anakin was not strong enough to defeat Sidious yet. The force was telling him to flee and the sensible strategist part of Anakin did also. His heart however overcame his mind as he yelled and rose to his feet in a single fluid motion just as the Sith Lord said.

"Activate Order 66."

He lunged forwards but Sidious was quicker and Anakin felt a burning pain in his chest. The injury was fatal, he knew that but the stubborness he held would not allow him to die just yet. He raised his lightsaber and despite the sloppy attack removed the lower arms of Darth Sidious. It would not kill him but it would weaken him forever—no amount of medical treatment would enable him to wield the force with the same strength again and his Sith lightening was forever out of his reach.

The pain was fading and giving place to more pleasant sensations. Sidious was already fleeing the room, shouts of assassination attempt and treachery. He would live for now. To his surprise Mace Windu had made it back to the office, he could feel the horror and guilt of the older Jedi.

The Korun Master kneeled beside Anakin. "Skywalker you did well, just hold on for a little longer." The man whispered. He knew going after Sidious was useless at this point but he had to try and save his fellow Jedi.

"It is useless, the force wants me back," Anakin rasped weakly. "Only my own stubborness keeps me here right now. Tell Obi-wan..tell him-" he was unable to finish as his body dematerialised into the force.

Mace Windu watched as the Jedi Knight vanished. He bowed his head but then he grabbed the lightsaber wielded by the younger Jedi, he almost grabbed the durasteel hand that remained on the floor but left it. He had to leave now, it would be foolish to stay longer than he had to now. The failure stung and he could feel the darkness that had gained strength. The death of Anakin Skywalker had been a blow he was unsure could ever be softened. Despite his failure in killing Sidious, the boy had been indeed the Chosen one.

[Epilogue]

"She couldn't live without him," Obi-wan commentated sadly, holding the newborn baby in his arms. "Their love was doomed to be a tragedy."

Mace Windu looked at the legacy bestowed amongst the last of the children with a force potential that nearly matched that of their father. He then glanced at the still body of Senator Amidala who looked peaceful in death. "I've got a feeling that Skywalker will be back in some form or another. His destiny isn't fulfilled yet." The Jedi Master looked to a spot behind Obi-wan. Anakin Skywalker stood, his gaze fixed on the two newborns.

"Anakin could never leave a job half finished," Obi-wan responded as he felt the presence of his former student briefly.


End file.
